Weird signs...

© Martijn Pierik | dreamstime.com

We see them all over the place - signs that are meant to inform and instruct... But often, the message can be quite confusing - or just downright funny!

Here are some absolute classics for your amusement and entertainment...

In a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

In a laundrette:

These washing machines are automatic. WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT, Please remove all your clothes

In a department store:

Visit our bargain basement on the 3^rd floor

In an office:

Will the person who took the step ladder yesterday please return it – or further steps will be taken

In the staff room:

After tea break, please wash the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board

And in another office:

Toilet out of order. Please use floor below

Outside a farm:

Horse manure – £1 per pre-packed bag or do-it-yourself for 50p

On a church door:

This is the gate of Heaven – enter all ye through this door.
(This door is kept locked because of the draught. Please use the side door)

In a German café:

Mothers – please wash your hans before eating

In a second-hand shop:

We exchange anything – bicycles, white goods, electronics, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

On a new town hall, due to be opened by the Duchess of Windsor:

The Town Hall is closed until opening. It will be remain closed after being opened. Open again as normal tomorrow

At the side of a country road:

Slow cattle crossing. No overtaking for the next 100 years

On entering a village:

Slow children and animals

Outside a nightclub:

Shades is the most exclusive club in town. Everyone welcome!

In a dry cleaners window:

Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of

In a petrol station:

No smoking near the petrol pumps. Your life may not be worth much, but our petrol is

In a health food shop:

Closed today due to illness

In a field:

The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges

On a leaflet:

If you can’t read, this leaflet will tell you how to learn

In a repair shop:

We repair anything

(Please knock on the door – the bell is out of order)

On a farm gate:

Beware! I shoot every 10^th trespasser, and the 9^th one has just left