Friday 23 February 2018

Oops - silly spelling mistakes on everyday items

We've all seen plenty of spelling mistakes in print (and online), but these are altogether bigger and more serious!

They remind me of a canvas shopping bag I once bought for my Mum as a student in Germany - it proudly declared: "Germany - the fiendly country!"

I hope these raise a chuckle or two - they certainly did with me...

You'd think they should know better!
I wonder how many of
these caps they made...












At least they're being honest...












Hmm - never mind the wording
error in the description, these look
more like rubbers to me?!


















A very strange looking dog?!











How many pills??











Just 'oops' really...














No school prizes for
spelling obviously!















Sounds a bit slimy?!











And finally...


Now it's obvious why
they didn't win...

Friday 16 February 2018

COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG we all use without knowing it...


“He knows his onions
OK, so we all know some of the traditional Cockney rhyming slang – ‘I don’t Adam and Eve it! (believe), ‘Going up the Apples and Pears (stairs), etc.

But there are some Cockney rhyming slang expressions whose shortened versions have entered the English language as everyday words which we all use – and you might be a bit surprised by some of them…

“He knows his onions
This is believed to originate from ‘He knows a lot of things’ – which got translated in Cockney rhyming slang to: ‘He knows a lot of onion rings’, and from there to ‘He knows his onions’. Weird?

“Have a butchers at this!”
This comes from the Cockney rhyming slang – ‘butchers hook’, meaning ‘look’.

“Use your loaf!”
In Cockney rhyming slang, ‘loaf of bread’ means ‘head’. So, ‘Use your head!’…

“I haven’t got a sausage”
Cockney rhyming slang for ‘cash’ is ‘Sausage and Mash’, so that’s where this expression came from – literally, ‘I haven’t got any money/anything’.

“It’s raining cats and dogs”
This one’s a bit tenuous, so bear with me! There are several different thoughts about how this came about, but the one I like best is referring to a time when it rained frogs… During a violent storm, frogs were apparently lifted up into the air by the wind, and literally rained down on passers-by. Thanks to the delights of Cockney rhyming slang, ‘frogs’ became ‘Cats and Dogs’.

“You silly berk!”
This one is slightly worrying. Frequently used as a fairly soft admonishment when someone does something stupid, it actually comes from much more offensive Cockney rhyming slang origins – ‘berk’ comes from ‘Berkshire Hunt’. Enough said?

“It’s a load of old cobblers!”
Again, this one has a slightly ruder origin than the expression suggests. It comes from the Cockney rhyming slang ‘Cobbler’s Awls’ – an awl being the tool used to put the lace holes in shoes. Now, what rhymes with ‘awls’?

“Quick, let’s scarper!”
Often used to suggest ‘doing a runner’, the Cockney rhyming slang origin is ‘Scapa Flow’ – so, it simply means ‘Let’s go’. In case you’re wondering, Scapa Flow is a body of water in the Orkney Isles - weirdly quite a long way from Bow Bells..

“I can’t come out tonight – I’m boracic”
Boracic lint was a 19th Century medical dressing used in the treatment of leg ulcers. It became the Cockney rhyming slang for ‘skint’ or ‘broke’.

“Stop rabbiting on!”
We all say this when someone can’t stop chatting, but where does the expression come from? Well, it’s simple – the Cockney rhyming slang for ‘talk’ is ‘Rabbit and Pork’, so now you know!

“I can’t afford to go out tonight – can you lend me some bread?”
OK, it’s clear that ‘bread’ is slang for money or cash. And maybe you’ve guessed it? Yes, it comes from the Cockney rhyming slang ‘Bread and Honey’.

“My Chalfonts are agony – I can’t sit down!”
OK, this is more than a bit obscure, and I admit I’ve never actually heard anyone say this even within the sound of Bow Bells – but it’s a polite Cockney slang way of referring to haemorrhoids (piles)! How so? Well, the full slang expression is ‘Chalfont St Giles’ – after an unassuming town in Buckinghamshire.

“Hello my old china!”
Again, slightly obscure, but I have heard this expression used. Why call someone ‘China’? Well, the full Cockney rhyming slang expression for a friend is ‘China Plate’ – so it just means ‘mate’.

“He only got a Desmond at university”
Taking the name of the South African Anglican cleric Desmond Tutu in vain, this is a Cockney rhyming slang way of describing a 2:2 degree… get it?

“Blowing a raspberry”
Bear with me on this one too… So, this expression we now use for a harmless noise made with the tongue actually comes from Cockney rhyming slang for another bodily function often involving noise. If I tell you that the full Cockney phrase is ‘Raspberry tart’, you should get the picture?

“Stop taking the mickey!”
Nobody knows who Mickey Bliss was, or if he even existed – but we have him to thank for this Cockney rhyming slang expression. Take a look at his surname, and I’m sure you can work out what this is slang for..?

“Don’t tell porkies!”
Probably quite an obvious one to finish with – ‘porkies’ is short for ‘Pork Pies’ – so, ‘Don’t tell lies’.

Is there any other Cockney rhyming slang you’d like to share? Simply leave a comment below and let us know…

Friday 9 February 2018

From the church newsletter (Part 2)

© Biertiem dreamstime.com

Following the great feedback we had from Part 1 of our church newsletter ramblings, here are some more gems to keep you chuckling in Part 2!

As always, we know what they were meaning to say, but it sort of came out wrong?!

We hope you enjoy these just as much...


  • Monday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice due to the Vicar’s illness.
  • African missionary Bertha Belch will be speaking tonight at the Church Hall. Come and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa!
  • The Vicar spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
  • The Vicar will preach his farewell sermon, after which the choir will sing the Hallelujah chorus.
  • Next Sunday, Mrs Bloggs will play the organ for the morning service. The Vicar will then speak on “It’s a Terrible Experience.”
  • Jane remains in the hospital and is having trouble sleeping - she has asked for some recordings of the Vicar’s sermons.
  • During the absence of our Vicar, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when Rev. Stubbs took to the pulpit.
  • John Brown and Sarah Smith were married on October 24. So ends a friendship that began during their school days.
  • The Drama Club will be presenting Shakespeare’s 'Hamlet' in the Church Hall on Friday evening. Everyone is cordially invited to attend this tragedy.
  • Please put your donation in the envelope, along with the deceased person you want remembered.
  • Let us join David and Lisa in the celebration of their wedding – and bring their happiness to a conclusion.
  • Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding next Saturday.
  • The Low Self-Esteem Support Group meets every Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.
  • During the Easter Service, two members of the choir sang a duet – ‘The Lord Knows Why’.
  • Any members of the congregation who enjoy sinning are cordially invited to join the choir.
  • The third verse of Hymn 364 will be sung without any musical accomplishment.
  • The music for today’s service was all composed by Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
  • Miss Sally Smith sang “I will not pass this way again” – giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  • National Prayer and Fasting conferencePlease note - the cost for this conference includes meals.
  • The Women’s Institute will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
  • Weight Watchers meets every Friday at 6pm. Please use the double doors at the side entrance.