Client: I really don’t like what you’ve done with the copy I wrote.
Copywriter: All I did was just proof-read it and correct the spelling mistakes.
Client: There was no need to be so bloody thorough!
Client: Yes, send the copy to me. I probably won’t have time to read it and give you feedback, so if you don’t hear back from me, just think what I would say and rewrite it.
Client: Thanks for sending us your copy. We just had to make a few gramerical corrections.
Copywriter: Hi, I’m just updating the copy, and I was wondering if you really meant to say ‘programs’ in the third paragraph?
Client: NO. What I sent you was completely accurate. I wrote and edited it myself. Just copy it over exactly as it says.
Copywriter: It says: ‘Please indicate which pogroms you’ve attended?’
Client: Oh yeah, sorry, that should be ‘programs’.
Copywriter: I don’t think it can really be any more punchy than ‘We Buy Gold’.
Client: I want more punch!
Copywriter: ‘Sell Your Gold Here’?
Client: No, I absolutely hate that. The last one was better. Just make it more punchy. I want it to jump off the page.
Copwriter: ‘We Buy Gold’
Client: There we go, that wasn’t so hard! But it’s still missing something... can you make it more glamorous? The last thing we want is people to think we’re low quality.
Copywriter: ‘We Buy Gold’
Client: Perfect!
Client: We’d like you to write an article on the way the market has changed in the last 10 years, and why… And in it, we want you to plug our company. Make us look really good. And no facts or stats, please. We don’t need any of those.
Hmm - any of these sound familiar?
Oh, I LOVE these! I think I dealt with a lot of them.
ReplyDeleteOne I might add...
"I don't like that. I don't know what I want exactly, but I'll know it when I see/hear it"
I have this one every day from my boss!!
DeleteOh yes Christopher - that's one I get all the time too!
ReplyDeleteThis post made my day.
ReplyDeleteMy hair-pulling-put moments come when a client changes plain English back to jargon. I get a lot of resistance over 'outcomes'.
Client: We require at least three revisions per page.
ReplyDeleteFreelancer: Before even reading the first draft?
Client: Yes, we never get what we want the first time.
Freelancer: Do you supply briefs?
Client: No, you can write while naked for all we care.
Very funny...liked this a lot.
ReplyDeleteThanks all for your comments - really glad you liked this blog post! More to come soon. And special thanks to those who contributed their own gems - all brilliantly mad!
ReplyDeleteGraduate recruitment work for a very large bank....
ReplyDeleteClient: I must have asked 100 times for that word to be changed.
Copywriter: Well it was in the draft you sent me to work with yesterday.
Client: Oh, well just change it.
Same client: I don't like that first sentence.
Copywriter: What don't you like about it?
Client: It's yukky yukkety yuk.
Copywriter: Oh, well I took it from the corporate values brochure you sent me for information.
Client: Oh, well just change it.
Not long after, the government bailed the bank out to the tune of billions. The man at the top, no longer a knight, didn't like pink wafer biscuits but also thought it was wrong to start a sentence with 'and'. Just saying.
You have just made me feel so much better - I thought it was just me with the mad clients!
ReplyDeleteClient: "We'd like you to write copy on scaffolding, it has to be as short as possible. We want 45 articles, each selling our company with the same 40 keywords in each and each article has to be completely different."
Client (famous high street optician): Get rid of the contractions like we'll and you're. Too colloquial. I want PROPER English.
ReplyDeleteMe: What, all of them?
Client: No exceptions!
So the Bogartesque subhead ended up reading 'Here is looking at you'