You know that moment when you want to find a way to put someone in their place?
As I get older, that happens to me more and more often.
But it's not always easy to think of something suitably cutting and witty to say.
Well, here are some suggestions - not mine, I hasten to add - but I suspect I won't be able to resist the temptation to use some of these soon!
Enjoy...
- I don’t have the time – or the crayons – to explain this to you!
- You’re as sharp as a marble!
- If you had another brain, it would be lonely!
- Some drink from the fountain of knowledge - you obviously only gargled!
- You’ll never need birth control with a personality like that!
- You’re the reason why they have to put instructions on shampoo!
- If brains were petrol, you wouldn’t have enough to power a flea’s go-kart two laps around a polo mint!
- I wish I could block you in real life!
- If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb up your ego and jump down onto your IQ!
- You sound reasonable – it must be time to increase my medication!
- I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my backside!
- It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer!
- I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you!
- You're so fake, Barbie is jealous!
- I can always tell when you're lying. Your lips move!
- You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard!
- You’re so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand!
- Did your parents keep the placenta and throw away the baby?
- Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I’m interested!
- If your IQ ever reaches 50, you should probably sell!
Can you add any great put downs to this list? Simply post your favourites in the comments below...
