Weird and wonderful exam answers

© Orlando Florin Rosu | dreamstime.com

As it’s nearly Friday, I couldn’t resist sharing these hilarious howlers.

They are allegedly all genuine answers written on exam papers by 16-year-olds in the USA.

It really does make you wonder…

Name the four seasons.

• Salt, pepper, vinegar… and ketchup.

Explain a process by which water can be made safe to drink.

• Flirtation makes water safe to drink – it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

How is dew formed?

• The sun shines down on the leaves, and it makes them perspire.

What causes the tides in the oceans?

• The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum.

What guarantees might a mortgage company ask for?

• If you’re buying a house, they will insist that you are well-endowed.

In a democratic society, how important are elections?

• Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

What are steroids?

• Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

What happens to your body as you age?

• When you get old, so do your bowels – and you get intercontinental.

What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

• He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Name a major disease associated with smoking.

• Premature death.

What is artificial insemination?

• When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

How can you delay milk turning sour?

• Keep it in the cow.

What is a fibula?

• A small lie.

What is the most common form of birth control?

• Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

What is a ‘caesarean section’?

• It’s a district in Rome

What is a terminal illness?

• It’s when you are sick at the airport.

Use the word ‘judicious’ in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.

• Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

What does the word ‘benign’ mean?

• Benign is what you will be after you are eight

What is a turbine?

• Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head