Friday 27 April 2018

How the gunpowder plotters got caught - and other great quotes from 'Cunk on Britain'...

"The gunpowder plotters all wore fake beards, wigs and
big hats to disguise themselves. But they failed to notice that
someone had written their names on the wall behind them -
so they all got arrested..."
Have you been watching the new series 'Cunk on Britain' (BBC2, 10pm, Tuesdays)? 

I am hooked - mainly because of all the hilarious one-liners.

Here are some of my absolute favourites from the series so far...


On the Cerne Abbas giant:
"It's the second crudest hill in England after Benny."

On the Bayeux Tapestry:
"It's like a Game of Thrones season finale drawn by an eight-year-old boy... just like being there, but in wool."

On castles:
"They were originally built by kings to sit in and protect their land - whereas today they are just extortionate wedding venues."

On Richard III:
"He tried to escape the Battle of Bosworth by burrowing under a car park."

On Roman Baths:
"They were an early type of gentrification - like when someone opens an artisan bakery in Hull."

On Alan Turing:
"This weird man who discovered computers is now a national hero. People queue for ages to touch the Turing Shroud."

On evolution:
"The monkeys that didn't evolve into humans must have been absolutely gutted..."

On Shakespeare:
"School in Shakespeare's day was much easier - because you didn't have to study Shakespeare."

On Stone Age Man:
"Why did Stone Age people bury all their stuff underground? Were they worried someone might steal it?"

On Stonehenge:
"It was also used to tell the time - and it is the only clock you can see from space - unless you have a clock in your spaceship..."

On the Vikings:
"They probably settled in York to be near the Jorvik Viking Centre."

On Mary, Queen of Scots:
"She was called 'Bloody Mary' because like the drink, she was bloody horrible."

On Sir Walter Raleigh:
"If he was such a great sailor, why do we only remember him for his bikes?"

On the Black Death:
"At least if you caught the Black Death, you got time off work."



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